Crazy English Squirrel Story

Crazy English Squirrel Story.

Once upon a time I lived in Manchester, England.  I had a nice flat with a large park behind it.  One day I was walking up to my car and I heard something move under my car.  I froze.  I figured some animal could have come from the park and gotten under the car.  I let my breath in and out silently, letting my curiosity win over my self-preservation.  

Soon I heard the movement again.  This time it was inside of my car.  I did leave a salad in there.  I glanced at my cracked window and wondered how big of an animal could have slipped inside. 

I slowly shifted toward the front to peer inside the driver’s side window to see what I was dealing with.  On the passenger’s side seat was a cute little squirrel looking at me as surprised as I was looking at it.  The problem was that it had one of my recently purchased gourmet chocolates squarely in its mouth. 

That changed everything. 

“Hey!” I screamed, “Those are MINE!”  Apparently the squirrel was already high from the sugar because at my shout he was off like a rocket.  I could actually hear his little squirrel nails scraping on the rental car’s seats as he whirred around the car.  The visual was a grey streak inside a rental car.  It looked like a squirrel inside a blender.

I was laughing but feeling pretty bad for scaring the squirrel and was wondering how I was going to get him out, when I heard a solid “thud”.  I jumped a little because it was on the window I was looking through.  I looked at the stunned squirrel through the window and he looked back at me.  Apparently he had to clear the cobwebs after smashing his little skull against the window like that.  I could almost hear him think, “Damn!  What was that?”  In that pause, I lost it.  I could actually feel the laughing bubble up and I cracked up at this stupid squirrel- which, of course, started up the blender again. 

I think that he hit the window again.  It was hard to hear over my own laughter.  It took me quite a few moments to gather myself.  As I was wiping the tears I had to wonder what my new neighbors thought of their crazy American neighbor laughing herself hysterical in a parking lot.  I’m pretty sure this is when I took my pictures.  I figured no one would believe me.

Finally I opened the car door.  Of course, by now the squirrel was really worked up and leaving little chocolates of his own all over my rental car.  He froze in the back of the car.  I walked around and opened the hatchback hoping to move him to the front.  You wouldn’t think it would be so hard, but eventually I did scoot him out of the car.  He stood on the wooden fence and turned around.  I’m not sure if he was thanking me or flipping me off.

I cleaned up after him removing all of his chocolates and mine.  The large chocolate had cute little squirrel teeth marks in it.  I cursed and laughed.  “Those were expensive!” I told him.  “Do you know what the exchange rate is now a days?”  I thought about it and he went through a lot of effort to get the chocolate; I gave it to him as a peace offering, setting in on top of the fence.  I think that I have a reputation now on that particular block in Manchester.